Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?